Hard passagesDraft · awaiting advisor review

Did Jesus really tell us to hate our parents?

In short

Jesus did say “hate” (Luke 14:26), but he was using a Semitic idiom that means loving one thing far less than another. Matthew’s version puts it as loving parents “more than me”. Jesus elsewhere insisted on honouring parents, so the point is that loyalty to him comes first, even above family.

The Objection

Luke 14:26 plainly says no one can be Jesus’ disciple without hating father, mother, wife and children. Calling it an idiom is a convenient softening. Jesus also said he came to set families against each other and told a man not to bury his father. This looks like a movement that demanded people break from their families, which is harsh and sits badly with the command to honour parents.

Put as its strongest advocates would put it.

The Christian Case

Scripture
Matthew’s parallel saying reads: “He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me.” Many readers take this as showing what Luke’s stronger wording means: a comparison of loyalties, not hostility.
Scripture
The Hebrew Bible uses “love” and “hate” in this comparative way. Jacob “loved also Rachel more than Leah”, and then Leah is called “hated”. The law speaks of two wives, “one beloved, and another hated”. God says, “I loved Jacob, and I hated Esau,” about choosing one line over the other.
Scripture
Jesus rebuked people who used religious gifts to avoid supporting their parents, and quoted “Honour thy father and thy mother”. From the cross he made sure his mother would be cared for. In the same saying he also tells disciples to “hate” their own life, which plainly does not mean self-loathing.
Historical evidence
Early followers of Jesus often faced rejection by their families. Some left homes and work to follow him. The saying makes sense in that setting: when family and faith pulled in opposite directions, disciples had to know which came first. Jesus’ talk of dividing households echoes Micah 7:6.
Philosophical argument
An argument often made is that ordered loves are healthier. If God comes first, family is loved well but not worshipped, and no one is trapped by others’ demands. Muslims hold a similar principle: the Qur’an commands kindness to parents but says not to obey them if they urge associating partners with God (Qur’an 31:14–15).
Christians differ
Some Christians read “hate” as almost purely comparative: love Jesus supremely. Others argue Luke kept the stark word on purpose. In their view it calls for real readiness to renounce family ties when they clash with following Jesus, and it should not be softened into mere preference.

Where the Evidence Is Weaker

The Greek word in Luke, miseō, is the ordinary word for “hate”. The comparative reading rests on the Hebrew idiom and on Matthew’s parallel, not on the Greek word alone. We cannot be sure of Jesus’ exact Aramaic words. The saying is also genuinely demanding: Jesus did call some people to leave family behind. Any reading that makes it comfortable misses something real.

Arguments to Avoid

Saying “hate just means love less” as if the saying asks nothing costly of anyone.
Using this verse to justify neglecting, cutting off or dishonouring parents without serious cause.
Claiming Jesus was against family life, ignoring his teaching on honouring parents and on marriage.
Claiming the Greek word itself has a mild meaning.

Read for Yourself

Luke 14:25–33

²⁵And there went great multitudes with him: and he turned, and said unto them, ²⁶If any man come to me, and hate not his father, and mother, and wife, and children, and brethren, and sisters, yea, and his own life also, he cannot be my disciple. ²⁷And whosoever doth not bear his cross, and come after me, cannot be my disciple. ²⁸For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it? ²⁹Lest haply, after he hath laid the foundation, and is not able to finish it, all that behold it begin to mock him, ³⁰Saying, This man began to build, and was not able to finish. ³¹Or what king, going to make war against another king, sitteth not down first, and consulteth whether he be able with ten thousand to meet him that cometh against him with twenty thousand? ³²Or else, while the other is yet a great way off, he sendeth an ambassage, and desireth conditions of peace. ³³So likewise, whosoever he be of you that forsaketh not all that he hath, he cannot be my disciple.

Matthew 10:34–39

³⁴Think not that I am come to send peace on earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword. ³⁵For I am come to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law. ³⁶And a man’s foes shall be they of his own household. ³⁷He that loveth father or mother more than me is not worthy of me: and he that loveth son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me. ³⁸And he that taketh not his cross, and followeth after me, is not worthy of me. ³⁹He that findeth his life shall lose it: and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.

Mark 7:9–13

⁹And he said unto them, Full well ye reject the commandment of God, that ye may keep your own tradition. ¹⁰For Moses said, Honour thy father and thy mother; and, Whoso curseth father or mother, let him die the death: ¹¹But ye say, If a man shall say to his father or mother, It is Corban, that is to say, a gift, by whatsoever thou mightest be profited by me; he shall be free. ¹²And ye suffer him no more to do ought for his father or his mother; ¹³Making the word of God of none effect through your tradition, which ye have delivered: and many such like things do ye.

Genesis 29:30–31