Introduction to Oration II (part 3 of 3)

112. On this account I had much toilsome consideration to discover my duty, being set in the midst betwixt two fears, of which the one held me back, the other urged me on. For a long while I was at a loss between them, and after wavering from side to side, and, like a current driven by inconstant winds, inclining first in this direction, then in that, I at last yielded to the stronger, and the fear of disobedience overcame me, and has carried me off. Pray, mark how accurately and justly I hold the balance between the fears, neither desiring an office not given to me, nor rejecting it when given. The one course marks the rash, the other the disobedient, both the undisciplined. My position lies between those who are too bold, or too timid; more timid than those who rush at every position, more bold than those who avoid them all. This is my judgment on the matter.

113. Moreover, to distinguish still more clearly between them, we have, against the fear of office, a possible help in the law of obedience, inasmuch as God in His goodness rewards our faith, and makes a perfect ruler of the man who has confidence in Him, and places all his hopes in Him; but against the danger of disobedience I know of nothing which can help us, and of no ground to encourage our confidence. For it is to be feared that we shall have to hear these words concerning those who have been entrusted to us: I will require their souls at your hands;²⁸⁸⁶ and, Because ye have rejected me, and not been leaders and rulers of my people, I also will reject you, that I should not be king over you;²⁸⁸⁷ and, As ye refused to hearken to My voice, and turned a stubborn back, and were disobedient, so shall it be when ye call upon Me, and I will not regard nor give ear to your prayer.²⁸⁸⁸ God forbid that these words should come to us from the just Judge, for when we sing of His mercy we must also by all means sing of His judgment.²⁸⁸⁹

114. I resort once again to history, and on considering the men of best repute in ancient days, who were ever preferred by grace to the office of ruler or prophet, I discover that some readily complied with the call, others deprecated the gift, and that neither those who drew back were blamed for timidity, nor those who came forward for eagerness. The former stood in awe of the greatness of the ministry, the latter trustfully obeyed Him Who called them. Aaron was eager, but Moses resisted,²⁸⁹⁰ Isaiah readily submitted, but Jeremiah was afraid of his youth,²⁸⁹¹ and did not venture to prophesy until he had received from God a promise and power beyond his years.²⁸⁹²

115. By these arguments I charmed myself, and by degrees my soul relaxed and became ductile, like iron, and time came to the aid of my arguments, and the testimonies of God, to which I had entrusted my whole life, were my counsellors.²⁸⁹³ Therefore I was not rebellious, neither turned away back,²⁸⁹⁴ saith my Lord, when, instead of being called to rule, He was led, as a sheep to the slaughter;²⁸⁹⁵ but I fell down and humbled myself under the mighty hand of God,²⁸⁹⁶ and asked pardon for my former idleness and disobedience, if this is at all laid to my charge. I held my peace,²⁸⁹⁷ but I will not hold my peace for ever: I withdrew for a little while,²⁸⁹⁸ till I had considered myself and consoled my grief: but now I am commissioned to exalt Him in the congregation of the people, and praise Him in the seat of the elders.²⁸⁹⁹ If my former conduct deserved blame, my present action merits pardon.

116. What further need is there of words. Here am I, my pastors and fellow-pastors, here am I, thou holy flock, worthy of Christ, the Chief Shepherd,²⁹⁰⁰ here am I, my father, utterly vanquished, and your subject according to the laws of Christ rather than according to those of the land:²⁹⁰¹ here is my obedience, reward it with your blessing. Lead me with your prayers, guide me with your words, establish me with your spirit. The blessing of the father establisheth the houses of children,²⁹⁰² and would that both I and this spiritual house may be established, the house which I have longed for, which I pray may be my rest for ever,²⁹⁰³ when I have been passed on from the church here to the church yonder, the general assembly of the firstborn, who are written in heaven.²⁹⁰⁴

117. Such is my defence: its reasonableness I have set forth: and may the God of peace,²⁹⁰⁵ Who made both one,²⁹⁰⁶ and has restored us to each other, Who setteth kings upon thrones, and raiseth up the poor out of the dust and lifteth up the beggar from the dunghill,²⁹⁰⁷ Who chose David His servant and took him away from the sheepfolds,²⁹⁰⁸ though he was the least and youngest of the sons of Jesse,²⁹⁰⁹ Who gave the word²⁹¹⁰ to those who preach the gospel with great power for the perfection of the gospel,—may He Himself hold me by my right hand, and guide me with His counsel, and receive me with glory,²⁹¹¹ Who is a Shepherd²⁹¹² to shepherds and a Guide to guides: that we may feed His flock with knowledge,²⁹¹³ not with the instruments of a foolish shepherd,²⁹¹⁴ according to the blessing, and not according to the curse pronounced against the men of former days: may He give strength and power unto his people,²⁹¹⁵ and Himself present to Himself²⁹¹⁶ His flock resplendent and spotless and worthy of the fold on high, in the habitation of them that rejoice,²⁹¹⁷ in the splendour of the saints,²⁹¹⁸ so that in His temple everyone, both flock and shepherds together may say, Glory,²⁹¹⁹ in Christ Jesus our Lord, to Whom be all glory for ever and ever. Amen.